I’ve been ruminating on this Chuck Close quote since I saw it on twitter a few weeks ago. The words shot through me with a rush of adrenaline and anxiety. I felt seen and embarrassed. I’ve always considered myself an inspiration guided artists. I don’t think it’s a bad thing to be this way, I’ve created some beautiful work, at the same time however, when I look back on the inconsistency with which I produce work… seen. Today I decided to find the full quote for context (and to hopefully take away some of the sting)…
Inspiration is for amateurs - the rest of us just show up and get to work. And the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will - through work - bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never have dreamt of if you were just sitting around looking for a great ‘art [idea].' And the belief that process, in a sense, is liberating and that you don't have to reinvent the wheel every day. Today, you know what you'll do, you could be doing what you were doing yesterday, and tomorrow you are gonna do what you [did] today, and at least for a certain period of time you can just work. If you hang in there, you will get somewhere.
This quote is taken from an interview with Brain Pickers published in Inside the Painters Studio
Yeah, no. Still stings.
Evaluating the sting
I have always been drawn to the idea of artists. The mystery. The eccentricity. The cool. The freedom. They just seemed to have amazing lives. From living in some fantastic loft with big windows and concrete floors to spending all day doing whatever they wanted. Wandering the streets at night in search of some inspiration then creating into the morning. In my mind, this idea was the embodiment of how I wanted to live. How I should be living if I was going to call myself and artist. I’ve had a day job since I graduated college. I sleep at night and rarely go out let alone wander the streets. So I didn’t call myself an artist. My favorite line for longest time has been that “I make stuff.”
I accepted a while ago that my antiquated idea of what an artist was and how an artist lived was off base but I still thought about creating (for me) as inspiration driven. And I’ve stuck with that thought despite reading tons of books that push doing the work above all else. I leaned more into the idea floating around about doing what feels good for YOU. Not allowing anyone else to tell you how to live your life yadda yadda yadda. There is comfort in the validation of your feelings. Especially when you are using those feelings as justification to not make stuff. Especially when the impostor syndrome sets in after you start comparing yourself to your peers. Inspiration is for amateurs.
Impostor syndrome is the alcohol on the sting. The sting is in the belief that I, by using inspiration as the tool to make work, am an amateur thus validating the impostor syndrome. Now do I have to believe this to be true? No. But would it still sting if I didn’t? I’m inclined to say no. This entire quote is an indictment on my creative process.
I haven’t shot anything (for me) in over a year. All things considered, it’s time to get to work. And put my faith in “ the belief that things will grow out of the activity itself and that you will - through work - bump into other possibilities and kick open other doors that you would never have dreamt of if you were just sitting around looking for a great ‘art [idea].' And the belief that process, in a sense, is liberating and that you don't have to reinvent the wheel every day. “