I’ve been thinking a lot about impact in the wake of the death of Nipsey Hussel. I have the privilege to live in Los Angeles. Working in the real estate industry by day, I have paid special attention to the impact his ventures have had on a community that is rapidly changing in demographic. The energy surrounding the city right now is so intense. I have seen call after call from friends and people that I follow on social media to declare how we as individuals will keep Nipsey’s visions alive, and how we will continue our own marathons.
My Work
Ask anyone that knows me and they will say photography is my thing. My father introduced me to the medium in 2006. He gave me my first camera, a Vivitar 35mm, and took me out with him to shoot. He would bring out his Mamiya C330 named Geronimo, uncovering it from a navy blue Joan & David dust bag. He would never let me use it. Venice Beach and Redondo Beach Pier were our spots. When I decided to take a couple of classes, he ruthlessly critiqued my work and challenged my aesthetic. My excitement of newly developed film quickly turned to fear of him exposing me as having no talent. He really wasn’t that harsh. Over the next few years there was a huge surge of people around me pursuing entrepreneurship and encouraged me to do the same. Imagine how amazing life would be if I actually got paid $$$$ to do this thing I loved. I’d never work a day in my life! The allure of getting to choose my own schedule was enticing but I decided not to quit my day job. I did start taking event gigs. This isn’t really what I wanted, I wanted to be an artist, but I had a lot of support. My dad thought it was so cool that people were paying me to shoot their events. I miss him.
He left us, me, 10 years ago today. After he passed, my love of the medium turned to indifference. It was something I didn’t think I wanted to continue, so I stopped. For about 8 months. New opportunities came to shoot for people I couldn’t pass up… (cough) Terrell Owens (in the midst of his reality TV fame) (cough) Ava Duvernay (before she was the Ava Duvernay everyone knows and loves). I felt as though fortune (dad) smiled down on me and blessed me with opportunities to really do this— for real. But I wasn’t ready. My skills hadn’t developed enough to really seize and capitalize on the moment. My heart wasn’t in it enough to try. So I started to refocus on the art. I shot events less and less and took more opportunities to participate in group exhibitions. Fast forward seven years and a billboard group show later, I’m back at the place where I don’t know if I want to do this anymore.
I remember a conversation I had with Ava after I photographed her event. She asked if I was shooting because of my passion for it or because of the connection I have to my dad. At the time, I felt like it was a bit of both. Today, I can’t say it’s either. I love photography. But I also love art.. and connecting with artists… and supporting artists. But I’m not sure if it (photography) is still (or ever was) my work.
Last year I decided I wanted to attempt to produce an art event. Exhibition design had appealed to me for some time but access to a space and a lack of art history know-how made this a difficult feat. So I used what I had. I convinced a friend to let me screen a few of her short films over two days with a full discussion and q&a in my apartment. It was amazing. This year, I facilitated a conversation with a writer about her first book. So much fun. We have plans for a more intimate event in the works. I really enjoy the mechanics of putting on an event. But more importantly, I love creating a platform for artists to further express their ideas (although speaking in front of crowds gives me major anxiety). My oldest dream , that I can remember, I run a creative space that is part cafe, part bookstore, part art gallery, part performance space. Like a Bus Boys and Poets with L.A. vibes. It basically combines all my favorite things. But this has always been just a pipe dream. As much as I enjoyed hosting that screening and the idea of having a space, I don’t know if that is “the thing”. The excitement and feeling of accomplishment really came from helping an artist actualize a vision. So how do I get there? To the thing that sets my heart on fire? How do I define this work? Is the platform the work?
On Impact
My good friend Joi, posted some tips on how to get over some of life’s hurdles on her IG stories the other day. The one germane to this post is about consistency. She writes:
Get clear about your “why” and make sure it’s something bigger than you. If the reason you’re doing a thing is for fame, money or only to fulfill your own personal needs, you will likely quit as soon as it gets hard. But when your reason is aligned with a BIGGER purpose, that’s often enough to keep you going when you want to give up. Because you’ll know you’re not the only one who will lose if you don’t follow through.
Perhaps that’s the place to start. With why.